A House of Boys

It's the dead of summer which means we are all stuck inside unless we'd rather drink our air than breathe it. We've also instituted a "No TV before lunch" rule. I was hoping it would prompt the boys to go outside before it got too hot, but it's mostly resulted in them whining for a 2 hours about not being able to watch TV and then asking to eat lunch at 10am.

But this morning I made pancakes, Little is playing with some of his new birthday toys, The Princess is eating pancakes (and an ink pen) and Big is playing with his toy plane. He's been on quite the plane kick lately as Jason recently bought a flight simulator game for the X-Box.

Big zooms around the living room making plane noises that sound remarkably like the sounds in the movies- mimicry of sounds has always been a strong suit of his. I'm so proud. Anyway, he zooms around making accelerations, decelerations, turns, and of course, the occasional weaponry sounds.

As "Atlantis One" buzzes the couch where The Princess and I are sitting, I hear him muttering to himself.

"Atlantis One, you are approaching the Cliff Mountains. Do you copy? Over."

"Copy, I am coming over the mountain. . . I see it! I see the Princess-Bear-Zilla!!! OH NO!!! She's trying to get me with her SuperCuteness Blaster!!!!"

He swerves the plane right down over The Princesse's head while she smiles and giggles at her silly Big. She is still chewing on the ink pen (her top teeth have finally broken through- she can chew on anything she wants as long as it's not me).

Big's voice gets mechanical again.

"Atlantis One, take evasive proceedures. Do not let the Princess-Bear-Zilla get you."

"Copy, but she's coming after me with her SuperCuteness Ray!! (Which is apparently different than the SuperCuteness Blaster). AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! ABORT MISSION."

He buzzes by the couch again and reports to his squadron leader that it was a TRAP!!

"There's a whole family of ZILLA'S- Princess-Zilla is not alone, she has a mommy-zilla and there are dog-zillas, do you copy?!"

"Copy Atlantis One! Get out of there!!! Report back to base!"

"Roger! >he makes several "warp to light speed" sounds< HAHAHA!!! You'll never get me Princess-Bear-Zilla!!! Your SuperCuteness Powers are no match for me!!!"

He kisses her and hauls ass off down the hall.

She might be the cuteset thing we've ever seen, and we might all be so madley in love with her, but she'll still have to live with the fact that this is a boy driven household. She'll always be a Priness-Bear-Zilla with SuperCuteness Powers or a Loch Ness Princess whose Cuteness Stare incapacitates entire armies or something similar.

There's certainly no denying she has Cuteness Powers over every person in this house.

6 Months

My beautiful daughter is 6 months old today. So much has happened since the day she came into my life. So many times I've thought- I need to write this down or- I need a recorder in my pocket to help me remember this later to blog about it. But I haven't.

I have manged to to keep my head above water though. The past 6 months have brought some of the most heart-wrenching moments I've experienced in my life. Some good, some bad.

The day my daughter was born was incredible. I was so excited to meet my sweet angel. I was so scared to go through a natural delivery again. I was sad that the boys wouldn't get to meet their sister in the hospital because of the ridiculous Swine Flu. I was happy that our family would finally be complete.

I remember once the hard part and the yelling and the pain was over, feeling so amazed by my sweet princess. I put my cheek on her little head the minute she was born- I still remember how warm and soft she felt. It felt like heaven. I also felt relief. Finally, this part of my life was over, I had everything I ever wanted.

In early December I discovered my husband having an affair and all the perfection I thought I had came tumbling down around me. I've never been so destroyed. So lost. So afraid. This was not supposed to happen to me. This happened to other people. People who didn't have the perfection that I thought I had.

I now know that my baby girl was sent to me to be my little ray of hope when I was in my darkest hours. All three of my children reminded me what commitment, hope and love truly meant. One hug from them was better than all the anti-depressants in the world. My amazing friends and family encouraged me when I felt confused, weak and alone.

In some ways, I felt like the last 10 years of my life had been wiped away. It all meant nothing now and I had to start over. The problem was, do I start over alone, or with my husband. In the end, I chose to err on the side of forgiveness. I owed it to my children and most of all to myself to try to make things work. If it didn't work, at least I could say I tried.

I'm now 4 months out from that devastating day of discovery. It has been a journey filled with exceptionally deep valleys, blind corners, seemingly never-ending plateaus of apathy and on occasion, a small peak or two.

In 6 months, so much has changed for me. The way I look at each day, myself, my relationships is no longer a fixed thought process. It's fluid, it changes with every nuance. It's like learning to speak all over again. While I struggle to have everything remain as normal as possible for my children, I'm trying to turn over a new leaf to make things better for our family- and myself.

Recent Gems From my Children

"Don't you think Little has a Frankenstein head? I mean it's so tall and square, it looks like a Frankenstein head." ~ Big

"She smells like cottage cheese." ~ Big in reference to The Princess

"Dat is the biggest garage I ever seed." ~ Little exclaiming as we pass a "Self Storage" facility.

"I ate a-hunred-dowlars." ~ Little in a pretend game of. . . eat the money? I don't know, he has an obsession with money and with eating inappropriate things. But I do love the way he says"a-hunred-dowlars".

"Isn't it weird that babies take such little breaths? I think she's hyperventilating." ~ Big's observation of The Princess in her car seat.

"That's not tasty for me."~ Little in regard to our dinner one evening.

"Take me home!! I am SICK of this!!"~ Little while we are out V-Day card shopping

"You are making BAD choices!!!"~ Little yelling at Big for not turning on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Perfection

is about 7lbs 9oz and 19.5in long and arrived on October 28th @ 10:50pm

*pic courtesy of Kacy Cierley Photography

I am Still Pregnant

Can you believe that shit?

I was quite sure that Baby Claire would have made her appearance by now. Apparently my cervix was as well as it's been hanging out at over 4 cm dilated for two weeks now.

Yes, I just posted about the condition of my cervix. My mother deems it necessary to let each of her clients know all about it and send out mass emails to the family about my cervix and Jason seems to think the people in his office cannot comprehend a simple "she's close"; they need the cervical play-by-play, so I might as well give her some publicity myself.

I am 38 weeks and 3 days. I'm already past where I delivered Little at and will be where I delivered Big at in just 3 short days. Perhaps she really has been listening that I would like a Halloween baby. Or she's just stubborn. That could be it too.

So for right now, Baby Watch 2009 is suspended pending a review of cervical conditions on Wednesday.

When will I learn

Seriously. I have been a mom for 9 years now. I've had to go through this toddler phase twice already and have made my bed for a third trip through it. When will I learn? On the whole I think I've learned quite a bit about child rearing and the ways of children in general. I read scores of books on child behavior and discipline. I've had even more experience with 3 year old's in particular- other than my own children- as I was a preschool teacher for several years. I should know this.

Perhaps it's because it is my own child. I fancy my own offspring as above this rule; incapable of being anything but innocent, sweet, angelic beings. Big was an exceptionally well behaved toddler, so in some ways I suppose it's like I'm going through the true version of "toddler terrorism" for the first time. Maybe because of this I choose to turn a blind eye to this particular rule thinking this could be the area in which Little's goodness shines through.

I'm wrong. Every time I am wrong, but it doesn't stop me from hoping. So someone PLEASE tell me the next time I think that my quiet 3 year old is playing nicely that he's not. Remind me that the rule is and has always been "quiet toddlers are up to no good". No exceptions. You would think that after Strawgate of 07 or the Marker Debacle of 08 I would know. But apparently I have amnesia- exacerbated no doubt by pregnancy- and do not think of these shining, case-in-point examples.

In just the past month, here are a few examples of Little "playing quietly by himself":

An entire box of bandaids dumped, opened and stuck to the (dirty) kitchen floor.



Half a HUGE bag of dog food dumped by the cupful on the living room floor (right after I vacuumed BTW)


And this mornings gem. When I said if you were still hungry, I would get you something other than the sour cream and onion Pringles you pulled out of the lazy susan, I did NOT mean you could eat the bag of brown sugar also residing in said lazy susan. As a matter of fact, I am pretty sure I mentioned cottage cheese or some grapes specifically as the only things you were getting to eat this morning for second breakfast. But definitely not the brown sugar.

(Excuse the pic quality on these- taken with the cell as it was what was within arm's reach before I threw him in the shower.)



Yes, he looks high in this picture- 1/4 cup of sugar straight up in a 30lb toddler might as well be speed. We're going to have an AWESOME day.

There is also no photographic evidence of the entire bottle of gummy vitamins dumped (and half eaten) on the bathroom floor (YAY Poison Control!!), or the 1/4 gallon of milk dumped on the floor because my pregnant ass wasn't waddling fast enough to the kitchen to get him some milk, or the bag of fruit loops dumped (again) on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower, or the numerous baskets of folded laundry that have been emptied piece by piece onto the dog hair covered floor because he needs a boat to play in and the other 5 EMPTY baskets are unacceptable.

But you can be sure that they have all happened just since we moved into our new place less than 3 months ago at the hands of my adorable toddler. If that's not birth control enough, I don't know what is.

This is why we are a bug free home

Because when I make exceptions, bad things happen.

Our neighbor has a small vegetable garden outside her house with some tomato, cucumber, green bean and carrot plants in it. The other day she comes over and tells the boys to tell me to get a jar because she found a really cool caterpillar and she thought it might be getting ready to spin a cocoon and that would be fun for them to watch. So I head over there with the boys since in theory, I have no problem with caterpillars. They make butterflies and are generally harmless, so they are a creepy crawly that I can generally stand.

I get over there and she tells me he's covered in these little white hairlike things, so she thought he might be starting to spin his cocoon. I'm not well versed in the process of cocoon spinning, so sure, that could be it. We put him in a tall tupperware thing (with a corner lifted up so he could breathe) because I am lame and don't have a jar. We come home and I spend an hour online trying to figure out WTF this caterpillar is so I can show the boys what it will turn into. I can't find shit, so I give up.

We have been watching him for two days and I started to suspect that all is not well with this bug. He looks like he is quite literally losing his shit out one end and he's not moving much. I talked to Jason tonight and told him I think I'm going to tell the boys that he died and I buried him because I don't think it's going to make it to butterfly/moth stage. He hops on Google and in less than 2 fracking minutes he tells me that he knows what it is and that we have to throw it out.

Why you ask? Because the "little white hairlike things" on it are NOT the beginnings of it's own cocoon. They are tons of little cocoons of the predatory WASP that eats the Tomato Horn Worm (which is what this bastard is). The larvae are feeding off the worm while it is alive and will hatch in about 10 days time. It's already been two days just in my kitchen, it could have been days 8&9. Can you freaking imagine if I woke up one morning to a kitchen full of effing WASPS that hatched out of my children's "pet" caterpillar!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here are the pics of the poor soul who was promptly destroyed far away from the house. In theory, the wasps are good because those caterpillars are really destructive to tomato or tobacco plants, but they have no business in my kitchen.