Monday, June 23, 2008

Deep Thoughts on Trying To Conceive


Saturday, June 14, 2008



Big and Little partake in a lazy rainy summer afternoon. The only one actually playing is Big, but Little goes ballistic if he tries to play without him. He screams "MINE MINE MINE" until we give him the second battery-less remote so he can climb up there next to his Big to watch and copy his every move. And yes, they are both still in their skivvies because that's what they wore to bed. That's how we roll in the summertime.

Friday, June 13, 2008

My Poor Little Mom

My mom is the black sheep in her family. By "black sheep" I mean she isn't a beer drinking, fish-fry-at-the-bar, county dwelling, hillbilly snob. Hillbilly snobs are the worst. Except maybe ghetto hillbillies- see previous post.

My mother is one of seven. Second of the four sisters. Her family (well, and my own warped relationship with my sister) is one of the main reasons I can't- WON'T risk having sisters. A daughter is great. Sisters are Chinese water torture. Her sisters are some of the meanest women I have ever met. Last year they went on a "girls only" cruise. Girls only. . . except my mom. She wasn't even invited =(. They did however invite the ex girlfriend of one of their brothers, isn't that special.

Today is her birthday. She and two of her friends went out with her two sisters (the other lives in OK now), her niece (who is my age and as dense as a board) and the same ex girlfriend. (What the frick lady!! Move the fuck on- he's married, you're not getting another chance. Go leech on another family). The antagonist of this story is her younger sister (sister #3) who has a serious case of the "Solarsystemitis" which is more commonly referred to as "the world frigging revolves around me bitches".

First the restaurant was too expensive. My mother's tab was $17. Sister #3's was so high because she can't keep their hands off the booze. Cry me a river. She ordered a grilled cheese (yeah really overpriced ritzy kind of place. . . with grilled cheese- NOT) which she promptly declare inedible. Did I mention that the owner and head chef is a personal friend of my mothers? She and her husband just got back from a trip to France with him and a few other couples.

The protagonist is my mother's friend "Tanya"*. Who has a chronic case of "IDOWHATIWANTBITCHERIA". She's very nice, but a boisterous, say-what's-on-her-mind type of gal-- especially when it comes to defending her friends. You can imagine how the sparks flew between these two all night. Neither would be outdone by the other. Sister #3 went as low as to talk about Tanya behind a paper menu to the ex girlfriend while my mother is sitting right there. My mom doesn't have a lot of friends, and is so attached to the ones who truly like her and being around her. My mother was in tears by the end of it. It was her birthday and no one even offered to pick up her tab. Ex girlfriend's birthday is next week. You bet your sweet ass, Sister #3 picked up her tab because her birthday was coming up.

I feel so bad for my mom when stuff like this happens. Tomorrow we are going with her and her dh to a swanky Brazillian steak place where I know we'll have a better time. I wish I had gone, nobody deserves to be treated like that on their birthday even if it is Friday the 13th.

*Tanya is of course not her name. Though I have my sincerest doubts she would have given a rats behind if I had broadcast her identity to half the free world. I am of course not suggesting that half the free world reads this blog as evidenced by my staggering numbers on my "visit ticker"-which incidentally counts each time I visit my own blog as a separate visit, so the numbers are incredibly skewed.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Answer Will Still Be No

Shortly after we moved into our home, the abandoned house next to us was foreclosed on. By abandoned, I mean it was simply walked away from b/c the owners couldn't afford the payments in the downward spiral of the market. It's only about 2 years old. Still, our house was listed at $185k, our neighbors purchased the house next to us for $130.

I first knew we were going to have a problem when I couldn't figure out who lived there. There are two young adult males complete with wife beaters and chains on their pants, a frumpy crabby woman who was always cradling her incredibly aggressive shitzapoozer or whatever the frick kind of designer mutt it happens to be, a little 6 year old girl, a dirty hippy looking teenage girl in torn "baby tees" and a pregnant African American woman. There were also about 4 cars/vans going in and out of the driveway every day. Turns out there is a mom, her teenage son from a previous marriage, his girlfriend, the dad, the little girl and their live in pregnant nanny.

After I caught the son and his girlfriend smoking a joint in front of his mother, right in front of my son playing in their back yard, I knew we were really headed for trouble. I came out, they knew they were caught and I scooped up my son and informed him in front of them that he was not allowed over there to play any more. The little girl is sweet and loves playing with Big which breaks my heart. Recently, the son moved out (I'm pretty sure) so Big is now allowed back into their back yard. Therein lies the bane of my existence.

They have a trampoline. I hate trampolines. I know how exciting they are for kids, but I REALLY hate how many risks there are associated with them. This trampoline has no netting around it, no bumpers to prevent their feet from going through the springs and is set up on uneven ground full of rocks. Big is not allowed on said trampoline. This creates an unimaginable tension and stress between Little Girl and Big.

Today, Big came in and asked me if he could play on the trampoline. I said no. His response was "Well, her mom said she's not allowed on the ground anymore.


"She's not allowed on the ground anymore, only on the trampoline."

"Well, that is the silliest thing I have ever heard, but if that's what her mommy says, there is nothing I can do about it. The answer is still no."

He goes out to report this to Little Girl (who is sitting on the effing side walk). 5 minutes later, he's back. Now, she is still "not allowed on the ground" but NOW, she is moving. WTF- could I get that lucky. I inquire further:

"What do you mean she's moving?"

"She said she's moving to Florida and I just want to play with her before she moves away!!!" His eyes begin to well up with tears as his breathing gets all raggedy.

"When did she say she was moving?"

"Well, she said she was moving to Florida for 10 days and then coming back."

"Honey, that's a vacation, you don't move somewhere for 10 days- if you come back, it's just a vacation. You can play with her when she gets back."

He bursts into tears. "No, she's moving to Florida for ten days, then she's coming back but she's going to Texas too!!! I just want to play with her and I can't unless I go on the trampoline!!!!"

More meltdown. . . I am just not sure what to make of all this craziness. On one hand, I'm wondering if they are out there smoking pot again and Big is suffering delusions and confusion from second hand smoke. On the other hand, they are just hillbilly enough that there may be some shred of truth to this insane shuffling around of their family. I'm making dinner. It's 8:15, Little needs to be in bed in 15 minutes, Big in 45. I don't have the time or the patience to go over there and attempt to sort out some of this idiocy.

"Ok, honey, you need to calm down. You know how dangerous trampolines can be right?"

Sniffles and wails- and a head nod.

"I just can't risk you getting hurt by playing on it. I know it's fun, but I would feel awful if you fell off and got hurt. You will just have to play with her another day- when she's allowed on the ground. I'm sorry sweetheart."

Sniffles, snotting, wailing and copious tear wiping occurs as he walks out to give Little Girl the bad news and I hear him mutter-

"I told her the answer would still be no."

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Project Blue Take 2

Ok, so I was running around trying to find Little's hospital bracelet which is a lovely shade of teal-y blue. I haven't found it yet, but the search is ongoing. Instead I found this sucker which Big insisted on having. It's got blue in it. Plus I love this picture for some reason. Maybe b/c I actually managed to catch him NOT acting like a carnie with a lolly pop addiction.

Project Blue Take 1

I'm feeling uninspired. All I could think of was "blue eyes". That's not very creative. Still, I thought, Hiruko (our Huskamute) has lovely blue eyes. So much so that when I'm walking Hiro and Zorro together people will stop me and tell me how much they like Hiro and he's their favorite. Because he has blue eyes. Poor Zorro. He's like a little unwanted brown-eyed step child.

Still, Hiruko's eyes are lovely and I thought if I'm going to be boring with a picture of blue eyes, I'll shake it up with blue pooch eyes. So this is take one in my first time participating in Anna Carson's Project Blue. For more info visit

Ok, so I can't resist. I'm not sure what the rules are, but since I'm late to the game this time around, I want to add my favorite blue picture that I have. From my honeymoon in St.Lucia. This is the southern tip of the island:

This is Little when he was about 10 months old. There must be something incredibly interesting in the mulch down there :)

Monday, June 9, 2008

Opening an Orphanage


Friday, June 6, 2008

PMS and Budget Cuts

Don't mix.

Dh's BFF/Boss heard a nasty rumor on Thursday that all hourly employees were getting the ax at the end of the month. He went and asked his boss if said rumor was true and she said yes. Dh is an hourly employee. By this afternoon every person in the office knew (dh was not even in the office today due to leaving early yesterday to come in overnight).

So, stay with me. . . his boss's boss's boss got pissed that everyone knew already so she threw a hissy fit and said "you're all going to leave anyway, so today is your last day". Midol. Fucking buy some lady instead of ruining lives.

Just a suggestion.

We were hoping to purchase a house soon. I was to start school in 17 days. We were supposed to go on vacation in a month. Not to mention, we were hoping to expand our family one more time. Obviously, all of these things are on hold. The job search is on like Donkey Kong, but anyone who works in IT will tell you that it is nearly always feast or famine. Right now it's famine- isn't that the story everywhere though?