Attempt on my life

I have to keep all these stories together so that one day I can blackmail-I mean scrapbook- them. Sorry to those who have already read this...

"My son will here-for-after (don't think that is a real word, hyphens or not, but it is now) be known as Damian, spawn of Satan. As I sat on the couch watching reruns of Project Runway Season One, I heard Little fiddling with his toys on the other side of the couch- my rule is if I can hear him, that generally means he's alive...don't criticize, it's worked so far. Anyway, the next thing I hear is a beep from my laptop telling me it's been unplugged. Since the word NO might as well mean gobbledegook to Little Damian, I run around the couch to grab his hand off the plug. As I do, his fingers slip onto the metal prongs that are still halfway into the outlet and an electrical current passes through him and into me.


Thankfully, his plan was foiled, and no one was seriously injured. I know it was a plot to do me in as he didn't even cry over the electrocution, so he had obviously braced himself for it. An attempt on my life by my own child....I never thought I'd have to go through this

When I die, please take up a collection and send flowers to the funeral"